Why Nobody’s Asking Anyone Out Anymore

If you’re a single Latter-day Saint right now, you’ve probably noticed something shifting: People are texting, but not dating.

Women match with men who text endlessly, but never take the next step. Men match with women, but feel unsure how to lead or cannot tell if their effort is welcome. Both sides feel frustration, confusion, and discouragement. It’s not that people don’t want connection…they do! It’s that modern dating culture has made everyone hesitant.
At UT Match, we see the emotional weight of this every day. Women want to feel pursued, chosen, and worth the effort. Men want to feel appreciated, respected, and confident enough to take initiative. Everybody is tired! And LDS dating culture is feeling it deeply.
What’s Happening Culturally
A few major forces have created this slowdown on both sides we believe:
1. Digital conversation has replaced real-world courage: Think about this…messaging feels safe. Asking someone out feels risky. So people text, chat, banter, but rarely meet.
2. Fear of rejection is higher than it’s ever been: Men and women both worry about things like will they come across as too forward or desperate. Fear makes people protect themselves rather than pursue someone.
3. Confusion about roles has replaced confidence: Do men lead? Should women ask? Does asking for a date mean you're “too serious”? Should the date be casual or formal? Who pays? Should the date be longer than an hour? Is two hours over doing it? Will I feel socially drained if the date is longer? With no clear norms, people avoid making the first move entirely.
4. Discouragement is becoming the dominant emotion: Women stop responding because they’re tired of the texting going nowhere. Men stop asking because they’re tired of being misunderstood or rejected. Discouragement (not disinterest) is shutting dating down.
The YSA Layer
LDS dating tends to have a spiritual lens. Dating has a purpose with the end goal that leads to marriage. LDS singles aren’t dating casually they’re hoping for a companion, a partnership, a future.
But that purpose can accidentally create pressure to get it right immediately, fear of choosing wrong, high expectations for instant chemistry, hesitation to try again after disappointment and perfectionism in evaluating potential partners.
In a community that values marriage, the fear of failure in dating becomes especially heavy. This makes LDS singles more cautious, more selective, and sometimes more passive than they intend to be or should be. It’s not that people don’t want dating to work. It’s that they don’t want to make mistakes. So they wait… and wait…and nothing happens.
How to Get Dating Moving
We have found these ideas below work whether you’re using UT Match or navigating dating on your own:
1. Replace endless texting with real invitations: Texting should create opportunity, but not replace it. If you are interested it’s time to take the next step. You ask the person out on a date! Since it’s winter, it could be something as easy as: “This has been fun. Do you want to get lunch or dinner this week?” This is low-pressure and clear.
2. Keep the first date simple: Planning stops many men from asking. Guys, remember if you ask her out, you are taking her on a date. This will take some planning, and you should plan to pay for the date. A simple first date is fine as long as you plan the date out. It could be a lunch date, a dinner date, a dessert date, a short hike, a walk around a park, browsing a bookstore together or just going to play pickleball. Connection grows through shared experiences, not rushed 30 minute "dates" to see if there is a spark.
3. Give grace to awkward moments: Remember everyone is nervous. Awkward isn’t a red flag...it’s human. Second chances often reveal who someone really is.
4. Show appreciation for effort: A sincere “Thanks for asking me out” or “I appreciate you planning this” makes people feel valued and it encourages them to keep showing up.
5. Stop looking for perfection: Instead of asking, “Is this person perfect?” try asking, “Could this person be good for me?” or “Do they have the values and character that matter long-term?” Dating opens when perfectionism loosens.
How UT Match Helps Rebuild a Culture of Real Dating
At UT Match, we see the discouragement on both sides and we help you navigate through it.
Here’s how we move dating forward:
- We eliminate the ambiguity. Our matches come ready to meet in person.
- We encourage intentional, real-world dates, not endless digital conversations.
- We coach men and women in confidence, clarity, and healthy expectations.
- We reduce pressure so people can relax and enjoy getting to know someone.
We are rebuilding a dating culture that feels hopeful again!
Dating Thrives When We Choose Courage
The slowdown in LDS dating isn’t because people don’t care. It’s because many good people have become cautious, tired, and unsure how to move forward and that hesitation has slowly replaced effort. You need effort to date.
We believe dating doesn’t come back to life through better apps, more texting, or waiting for the perfect moment. It comes back when people decide to show up!
We believe dating works when someone takes initiative (even when it feels uncomfortable), responds with kindness instead of judgment, when both people show up with intention, and everyone gives each other a fair chance.
Real dating has always required courage! Courage to ask. Courage to say yes. Courage to risk awkwardness, rejection, or uncertainty because connection is worth it in the end. That’s the kind of dating culture we believe in. Where kindness leads. Where faith replaces fear! And when you’re ready to take that step UT Match is here to support you, guide you, and help dating feel hopeful again. Because sometimes the only thing standing between you and a meaningful connection is one small, brave sentence: “Would you like to go out this week?”










